The moments grow fewer. Every day, I'm a little older. And in the midst of time's elapsing, I find myself hoping to live for that one great purpose that defines the rest.
Rob Bell said it best in the Nooma video "Shells": "We must examine the rhythms of our life if we're ever going to will the one thing." I stumble on that because I feel preoccupied with finding the one thing that rises and drives beyond every other cause. I struggle because I can't stand living another moment that flows like water down the drain.
Thoreau said in one of his most memorable quotes that, "I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." His reflections came in solitude in nature: mine arise from silence and lack of activity. I never realized how much I have been driven by movement; always going, leaving, and searching. Now the Lord whispers repeatedley in my ear that I should stay and, with all that I am, I find it to be that hardest promise to rest in.
Bursting to attain a purpose, I lie idly on the shelf of formation. His hands work out the kinks, and I squirm with the discomfort. Strivings cease so that I might become....all that He desires. One would think that normalcy would be such a comfort, but it is such a foreign entity to me. Shake me and rock the boat, but don't drop be in the suburbs of everyday living. Oh, how much I have to learn in these cleansing waters!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Beware: Kaj Munk Quote
"What is, therefore, our task today? Shall I answer: "Faith, hope, and love"?
That sounds beautiful. But I would say--courage.
No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness.
For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature....
we lack a holy rage--
the recklessness which comes form the knowledge of God and humanity.
The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth...a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world.
To rage against the ravaging of God's earth , and the destruction of God's world.
To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries.
To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace.
To rage against complacency.
To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God.
And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish...
but never the chameleon."
That sounds beautiful. But I would say--courage.
No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness.
For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature....
we lack a holy rage--
the recklessness which comes form the knowledge of God and humanity.
The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth...a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world.
To rage against the ravaging of God's earth , and the destruction of God's world.
To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries.
To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace.
To rage against complacency.
To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God.
And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish...
but never the chameleon."
Monday, March 16, 2009
Rain and Veneer
It's raining outside as it always does in the Pacific Northwest. Jose Gonzalez is singing soothingly, and I could almost melt in this moment. However, there is a very shaking uncertainty to this moment as I contemplate my next steps.
My next steps, always shrouded in unknown, seem to always be pushing me forward to some great purpose that I yearn to discover before it discovers me. Its like this ache that presses into every moment and all that I do. I desperately want to know what I'm here for...what specific purpose that I am fighting for.
I'm ready to shake this land, as Catpower says. I ready to stand for something more. What is it that God would ask of me. I'm after that purpose, but always wondering where its leading. "Maybe now, I'll look with my mind."
My next steps, always shrouded in unknown, seem to always be pushing me forward to some great purpose that I yearn to discover before it discovers me. Its like this ache that presses into every moment and all that I do. I desperately want to know what I'm here for...what specific purpose that I am fighting for.
I'm ready to shake this land, as Catpower says. I ready to stand for something more. What is it that God would ask of me. I'm after that purpose, but always wondering where its leading. "Maybe now, I'll look with my mind."
Friday, March 6, 2009
Poem
Scribbles of words melt into thoughts, flowing into moments.
My mind races with the beat of a tribal drum.
I pause for meaning and can find no words.
I contemplate the vastness concealed within my numbered days
too few to count on. I look on to tantamount reasons.
I pause just to breathe, then push forth my thoughts
to grasp a cliff-hanger's dream.
From summit to peak, I'm bursting forth with each step onward.
My heart beats in tune to words infused
Gripping me with a desperation to scratch out a path in pen
Forward, I'm bound to make it far above the abyss below.
The darkness concealed, awashed in the break of day.
Birthed in wonder, the ways emerge.
It's clear that this climb propels me forward to the peak of origin's tune.
Revelations above alight far beyond an eagle's landing.
And upon this ladder, I rise.
Rhythms of meaning beating in words,
I reach to ascend the rock above.
With a warriors cry, I lift my hands to sky.
To see each word, each thought encompassed in glory.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs9z05rf5X0&eurl=http://video.aol.com/video-detail/rob-bell-everything-is-spiritual/4089755287&feature=player_embedded
I was reflecting over this past week and thinking about the outward brokenness I saw in the DR. I stumbled upon this video which speaks of that brokenness in the world being but a mere reflection of my own inward, fractured self.
But that is the power of the Gospel in me. That is the plan of redemption of God; He took our brokenness upon Himself in the form of a cross and made way for healing and restoration. I am broken, but in Christ, I am being redeemed day by day by day.
Watch this video. Maybe it will speak to you as much as it did to me.
I was reflecting over this past week and thinking about the outward brokenness I saw in the DR. I stumbled upon this video which speaks of that brokenness in the world being but a mere reflection of my own inward, fractured self.
But that is the power of the Gospel in me. That is the plan of redemption of God; He took our brokenness upon Himself in the form of a cross and made way for healing and restoration. I am broken, but in Christ, I am being redeemed day by day by day.
Watch this video. Maybe it will speak to you as much as it did to me.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Coming Home
It seems that the oppurtunity in the DR is coming to an end....I am coming home.
I received a phone call on Saturday night from my leaders and mentors who expressed concern stemming from a phone call from my family. In truth, there were elements of my stay in the DR that I wasn't prepared for. I didn't know a lot about the conditions before coming, and my family was more concerned than I ever realized. When Global was contacted with these concerns, it was decided that, for my safety, I should come home.
In a way, I felt as though I had somehow missed the plan of God. Or maybe, I was missing Him in this whole situation. But, someone once shared with me that if you are seeking the will of God fervently, you don't have to worry about missing it. Proverbs 3:5-6 came back to me, and I know that I am acknowledging Him throughout this situation. I know without a doubt that He knows best. If my leaders believe that this is best, than I can trust that God is controlling this situation.
That still didn't spare me from the heartache of leaving. I looked in the faces of the women that I had come to love so much, and telling them that I was leaving nearly broke my heart. The director and him wife were so precious to me throughout my stay. It was confusing to them that I was leaving so soon. But I know that with God, there are no burned bridges.
And the faces of the women...I'll never forget their faces. Saying good-bye for what will be the last time is always such a wonder to me. Somehow, you always carry a piece of them around with you within a shared experience. You'll never forget though they live thousands of miles away and though you never see their face again. Such heat-wrenching finality for this side of life.
But I know that even stumbled steps move stones. I know that God has a reason behind the road that He walks with me on. So I trust Him and lean on Him for stength. The way will be made clear with an INCREDIBLE blessing in store for the Dominican Republic. Lord, its all in your hands now! Lead on!
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap,but by the seeds you plant." ~Robert Louis Stevenson
I received a phone call on Saturday night from my leaders and mentors who expressed concern stemming from a phone call from my family. In truth, there were elements of my stay in the DR that I wasn't prepared for. I didn't know a lot about the conditions before coming, and my family was more concerned than I ever realized. When Global was contacted with these concerns, it was decided that, for my safety, I should come home.
In a way, I felt as though I had somehow missed the plan of God. Or maybe, I was missing Him in this whole situation. But, someone once shared with me that if you are seeking the will of God fervently, you don't have to worry about missing it. Proverbs 3:5-6 came back to me, and I know that I am acknowledging Him throughout this situation. I know without a doubt that He knows best. If my leaders believe that this is best, than I can trust that God is controlling this situation.
That still didn't spare me from the heartache of leaving. I looked in the faces of the women that I had come to love so much, and telling them that I was leaving nearly broke my heart. The director and him wife were so precious to me throughout my stay. It was confusing to them that I was leaving so soon. But I know that with God, there are no burned bridges.
And the faces of the women...I'll never forget their faces. Saying good-bye for what will be the last time is always such a wonder to me. Somehow, you always carry a piece of them around with you within a shared experience. You'll never forget though they live thousands of miles away and though you never see their face again. Such heat-wrenching finality for this side of life.
But I know that even stumbled steps move stones. I know that God has a reason behind the road that He walks with me on. So I trust Him and lean on Him for stength. The way will be made clear with an INCREDIBLE blessing in store for the Dominican Republic. Lord, its all in your hands now! Lead on!
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap,but by the seeds you plant." ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Friday, February 20, 2009
No Corruption too Big
I see so much corruption. People here aren’t blind to it either; they are just used to it.
The police adorn nearly every corner with M16’s or shotguns. Some of them are young men who lean on their guns with a look of boredom smeared on their face.
Children dig through the trash for food. They beg on corners. They traffic drugs. They are sold into sexual slavery. This breaks my heart more than anything else. I feel God putting in my heart to do something!
The other night, someone was shot and killed a few houses away from me. A girl, having witnessed the murder, ran screaming down the street. She fainted in the house across the street from where I am staying.
The hospitals are overrun with filth, blood, and people that won’t receive medical attention because they have no money. Drug addicts are shot and killed by police after repeated offenses or beaten to death by neighbors. This is an acceptable practice for handling drug addictions.
A 19 year old prostitute, when offered a way out, said she preferred the streets. Another begged for a change of life after having been stabbed repeatedly. But, she panicked when she realized that it would take her away form all she knew. She left our care that night. God be with her, wherever she might be.
But, of course, there is always the other hand. God is doing awesome things in the midst of all of this corruption. Nothing is too big for God and no one is too desperate. No matter where I go, it seems that I am always running into a fellow soldier of the cross. Missionaries from around the world are here, working to shine the light. Teen Challenge is touching lives, and I know that God has given them a great vision to continue the work that has only just begun.
God, expand your ministry! Continue the work that you have only just begun. Touch lives with the power of Your Gospel! Oh, God, redeem the days! Anythings is possible with you if we would only just believe!
Phillipians 1:9-11
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